


Stay

by evashougouki



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Emotional Manipulation, F/F, F/M, Female Friendship, Gen, It's got Maria's daughter too, Pain to happiness i promise, Racism, Sexism, maria reynolds needs more love and here i am loving her
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-06-08 18:26:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6868471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evashougouki/pseuds/evashougouki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maria Reynolds is just doing her best to survive in a world that seems dead-set against her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Doin' Me Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, just warning you, there are allusions to and depictions of an emotionally manipulative relationship here, so be careful!  
> I will try to update this once weekly, on Sundays.

     “Maria, are you ok?”

     Maria Reynolds doesn’t think those four little words were meant to strike her so deeply. They aren’t particularly biting in tone, no- Peggy leans slightly forward over the small coffee shop table between them, not too close, not too far. She’s practiced at this, knows exactly how to seem caring but not too caring, detached enough as not to panic Maria but concerned enough to make Maria want to come back. She had always claimed that she was an excellent judge of character, but Maria can’t help but doubt that claim- Peggy is friends with her, after all. Maria knows that she herself is no excellent judge of character, but she knows she did something right in befriending Peggy. So no, it isn’t the tone of Peggy’s words, but the words themselves, that render Maria frozen for a second.

     She considers it carefully. Is she okay? She isn’t entirely sure. ‘Okay’ is a relative term, and relative to the rest of her life, she thinks right now might be okay. James is okay, she thinks. Doesn’t beat her senseless like her father used to, doesn’t drink or do drugs or anything like her mother would. But his words are… sharp, nothing like the reassuring sweetness she came to know around Peggy. ‘ _ Maria, dearest, you would be nothing without me,’  _ and  _ ‘darling Maria, think of that ditch you were living in before you think to backtalk me again.’  _ She worked up the heart one time to tell him those words upset her, rubbed her the wrong way until she felt raw and out of place in her own body, but he just told her they upset her because they were true. She figured he was right, and didn’t mention it again.

     Even now, she shouldn’t be thinking about things like that- James takes care of her, and she should be more grateful. 

     “I’m fine. It’s all fine- James takes care of me.”

     Peggy frowns. Maria notices the yellow tips of her nails digging into the thin cardboard of her coffee cup, and is briefly jealous of how put-together she is. But she should be more grateful to Peggy, too. She shows her kindness she’s never before known, even though Maria likely leaches it off of her.

     “I didn’t ask about James. I asked about you. How are you taking care of yourself, Maria?”

     Sometimes it feels like Peggy is staring at a part of her she herself isn’t even aware of. The question stretches in the air, lingers, settles uncomfortably in the pit of Maria’s stomach. She takes a sip of her chai tea, and doesn’t think about it, doesn’t answer. 

     Peggy sighs, but it’s not disappointed. Never disappointed. Just… sad, maybe? Either way, she follows Maria’s silent plea for a change in subject, and the conversation shifts into safer topics, like their jobs. 

     She and Peggy met at a restaurant they both waitressed at. The other servers were talkative, and they’d both gotten tired of incredulous gasps that they looked  _ just alike _ , and decided to meet each other and decide for themselves. Upon their first meeting, Peggy had boldly declared that the resemblance was simply the result of “weird white people thinking everyone that’s brown looks the same.” Maria couldn’t help but giggle at that, and they’d been friends ever since. Maria suddenly noticed she had several shifts with her- as many as she could have, anyways. She got terrible, late-night hours, because she had to work as a bagger in a grocery store during the days in order to be able to afford even her and James’ ratty apartment in the ‘bad’ part of town. Now that she was pregnant, the work seemed even more taxing than usual. 

     Today was one of her rare days off. Peggy would always take advantage of these opportunities and take her out somewhere- the library, the park, or, on extra-special days when Maria had some spare change laying around, the coffee shop. “You have to take a break,” she would always tell her, “calm down and focus on Maria.” But the relaxation was served Peggy-style: she was always so dry and blunt in her commentary that Maria couldn’t help but laugh, something she felt that she never got to do. Plus, Peggy would make her think about herself, questioning in a calm voice that couldn’t alarm her despite the rawness of the words themselves. Sometimes Maria wouldn’t or couldn’t answer. Peggy wouldn’t press the matter. Either way, Maria would always be in a better mood on these days- spending time with Peggy was a rare reprieve from the seemingly unbreakable monotony of her life.  

     So, smiling, she glanced at the clock on the wall- a quarter past five. A small knot filled her stomach- James’s shift ended at five today, and he didn’t like it when she wasn’t home to greet him on her days off. Peggy noticed her eyes fall on the clock, and, for a moment, an astounding myriad of emotions flashed through her dark eyes- anger, sadness, pity, fear. Maria shifted uncomfortably. Sometimes it was jarring to have someone care for you.

     “Do you have to leave?’

     Maria nodded. 

     “That’s fine. Today was fun as always, Maria. I always love spending time with you.”

     Her smile was genuine. For once, Maria could believe the sentiment. 

     “And don’t forget what I said, Reynolds. Try to take care of  _ yourself.” _

     They hugged, and went their separate ways. Maria threw her worn red coat and scarf over herself and clutched the remainder of her tea close to her chest. The coat used to be huge on her, but now it barely fit over her bulging belly, and she buttoned it with great difficulty. She walked quickly through the gray sludge that New York City called snow, hoping but not hopeful that she would beat James to the apartment. At least hurrying so much warmed her up, she reminded herself-  _ be grateful.  _

     James was, of course, home when she arrived. She opened the door as quietly as she could, slipping off her shoes and coat by the doorway. Her feet ached.

     “Maria?” he called. His voice wasn’t especially harsh. She heaved a sigh of relief and stepped into the minuscule single room of their apartment with a smile on her face. 

     “Why were you out late?” he asked, apparently not wasting any time. Her smile drooped a little.  She couldn’t quite place his tone, didn’t know how to react or what to feel. 

     “Maria, sweetheart, am I not giving you enough? I’ve given you all that you have, you know, and all I ask is to see my beautiful wife when I get home from work. I think that’s only fair, don’t you?”

     She found herself nodding. He sounded disappointed in her. She didn’t want to disappoint him; she loved him, needed him. 

     “I’m sorry.”

     “Don’t apologize.” His words carried more of an edge now. “Where were you?”

     She held up her near-empty cup of tea. “I went out with Peggy for coffee. We were only out for maybe an hour or two, I promise.”

     “Don’t get sassy with me, Maria.”

     “I’m sorry.”

     He folded his arms across his chest and stared ahead at their beige wall, streaked with darker brown swirls where water had dripped down their cracked surfaces. She dared to sit down- the closer she was to having the baby, the worse her stamina grew. She glanced over at his strong, broad profile, his lips curled and eyes narrowed into a thoughtful expression. 

     “Maria, love,” he said, voice slow and syrupy but nonetheless grating, “you know I always want to help you.”

     Once again, she nods. That’s why she loves him so much, she thinks- he helped her out in the darkest times of her life, the times spent nearly naked, shivering and emaciated, in some dark New York alleyway. He had taken a liking to her, fed her, clothed her, let her live with him. How could she not love him for that?

     “So know it’s in your best interests when I say that I’m leaving you.”

     Her chest grows cold, a sharp contrast to the heat stinging under her eyelids. What? Leaving her? Her mind whirls around, a brawl of emotions with none emerging victorious.

     “Leaving?”

     “Yes, leaving. Just until a couple of months after the baby is born. You see, I think you’ve started to take advantage of my kindness, and I want you to realize how hard it is without me.”

     A sob escapes Maria, despite her attempts to keep it in. Hard is an understatement, she thinks. She’s 7 months pregnant, and her employers are starting to schedule her a little more sparsely. She knows they mean well, but she can’t pay the rent without working, never mind pay for lights, water, or gas. Without James’ income, she doesn’t know how she’ll survive. And God, she has a  _ baby  _ coming! A living, breathing, tiny human being that will be entirely reliant on her. When  _ she  _ had been entirely reliant on herself, her life had crashed and burned. All of the other expenses roll through her head, and she’s a little dizzy. But then she reminds herself,  _ you have no right to be upset. He’s right. Look how much you need him. _

     James packs his bag later that night, tells her he’s going to stay with a friend. He leaves her with a kiss, and as soon as he’s gone, Maria scrambles for help. She immediately thinks of Peggy, but shoots down the idea immediately. She can’t burden Peggy with her problems. So, she picks herself up off of the ground shakily and resolves a way to do as Peggy said and take care of herself. 

     She knows she can do it. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria seeks out some help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i say sunday updates lol I totally meant monday  
> though it may be a little late next week because finals+ill be out of town  
> anyways enjoy some more miss maria reynolds!

     Maria Reynolds was proud to say that she had survived on her own for months. But she couldn’t anymore. She had called the restaurant and grocery store she worked at and demanded they let her work- and work she did, until the very day she gave birth. Her daughter was beautiful, with rich brown skin and a mess of tight black curls. She may have come home to an apartment with no lights, but she didn’t seem to mind. Maria loved her. She named her Margarita, after her dearest friend.

     Peggy had of course helped her through these times, though she respected Maria’s wishes for her to not give her any money- her family was rich. She did, however, encourage her in her attempts at independence. It was hard, Maria had to admit. She was responsible only to herself and Margarita, so no one told her what to do. Her life had been much easier when James had guided her in how to think, how to feel. She confided to Peggy one day that she was afraid she just wasn’t capable of supporting herself, of being her own person, even. Peggy had taken her hands, looked her straight in the eye, and told her in that serious voice of hers that Maria was the strongest woman she’d ever known, that she’d adapted to live in every sort of hellhole on earth with a smile on her face, that before she had adapted to codependence with James, and now she would simply have to adapt to finding out who she was and trusting the person she found. Maria had cried that day.

     She didn’t exactly think Peggy had lied, but she knew she didn’t have it in her to thrive on her own. She was just  _ so tired.  _ She worked all day, leaving Margarita with Peggy’s sister Eliza at her orphanage. She had given up night shifts after Margarita was born, but it’s not like the work stopped when she got home- now she had a baby to raise. She cried all night, she needed to be fed and clothed and so many other things that demanded Maria’s attention. She slipped behind on her rent and utilities, started being able to buy less and less food for herself, and even worse, she was starting to get sick. She didn’t want to get tiny, sweet Margarita sick because she did. 

     So, in short, Maria didn’t have what it took to adapt, and she knew it. She needed help, but once again, Peggy was already doing too much for Maria to even consider asking her. Besides, Peggy was so confident in her; she didn’t dare disappoint her. Then one day, it came to her: there was a politician in their city, a rising star of sorts, who was becoming famed for his virulent and unflagging support for the underdogs. If Maria- black, poor, single, raising a baby of her own on two jobs- wasn’t considered an ‘underdog,’ she didn’t know who the hell was. She found his office address in the city’s free newspaper and decided to solicit his help. Alexander Hamilton was his name. 

     Maria was surprised at how easily his secretary let her into the office, but then again, he was only newly elected, and it wasn’t like most people were going to be out for the city’s treasurer. He greeted her with a genuinely warm smile as she stepped into his office, offering her his hand to shake. She wasn’t used to being treated so… respectfully? She sat down carefully at a chair on the other side of his desk, and looked around.

     Messy was too kind a word to assign to this room. Papers, most crinkled or torn, littered every flat surface that wasn’t taken up by a book. Everything in the place seemed well loved, from the plush but well-worn chairs to the dog-eared books. On the desk itself was a laptop and a desktop, both opened to complicated-looking spreadsheets, and three picture frames. Two were pictures of him and…. was that Eliza? Maria really only saw her whenever she dropped off and picked up Margarita, but she vaguely remember her saying she was married to a politician who she referred to as ‘Alex’. Maria felt a little ashamed for not connecting the two- Eliza was so kind to her, she could have bothered to learn more about her. Next time, she vowed. In the third frame was an older picture, of Hamilton and three other men, with their arms all slung around each other. They were smiling, and looked a little drunk. One of the men, one with kinky black hair tied back in a ponytail and a smattering of freckles splashed across his face, was pressing what looked to be a pretty messy kiss against Hamilton’s cheek. Not for the first time, a small pang of jealousy ran through Maria. She wished she had more people that cared for her. 

     “So, what can I do for you?”

     She shifted uncomfortably in the chair, staring at her hands folded in her lap.

     “I need help,” she started, slowly. It was the first time she had managed to voice that one simple statement. It wasn’t so much Hamilton himself that let her do this, she didn’t think, but the fact that she didn’t know him. She could never admit this to anyone she cared about, knowing how pathetic it sounded. Peggy always encouraged her to stand on her own- she didn’t want to admit that she couldn’t. Besides, he probably heard stories like hers every day. 

     “I’ve heard you’re a good man, so I’m sorry to come to your office to bother you like this, but I had nowhere else to go.”

     His dark eyebrows furrowed. His eyes were large and warm, and she felt the story coming out more easily.

     “You see, my name is Maria Reynolds. I live in Morrisania in a one-room apartment I can’t afford because my husband left me right before my daughter Margarita was born in order to ‘prove to me how much I need him’. I had to work my two jobs until the day she was born, and I started working again the day after. My lights are cut every month despite my working two jobs because I don’t get paid nearly as much as I should because I’m a black woman and this is a white man’s world- that made it hard enough to seem ‘respectable’ enough to get a job, but they’ll never see me as respectable enough to pay me as much as they get paid. Besides, why should I have to pretend to be someone I’m not just so I don’t make white people uncomfortable? I’m just trying to make a decent living for me and my daughter, and I  _ can’t,  _ not without help. That’s why I’m here.”

     It feels amazing to get all of that off of her chest, but as soon as she stopped to think about her words, her stomach twists and an ice-cold panic rises up her throat. She shouldn’t have said any of that. Like everyone said, that’s how things had always been, and that’s how they’ll always be. She shouldn’t complain; she should be more grateful. Her eyes, previously staring intensely into Hamilton’s, drop quickly to her lap.

     All he says at first is, “Oh, you’re  _ that  _ Reynolds. Eliza adores Margarita.”

     Maria nods mutely, though the panic gurgling through her heats into a bitter disappointment. That wasn’t the response she’d hoped for. But then he starts in his chair and ducks down, rustling quickly through the drawers. Papers are tossed up and further clutter the desk itself, and Maria looks over them. He is a strange man.

     But when he resurfaces, he has a wad of cash in his hands. Her eyes widen. He lays it all out, and she counts it quietly, but before she finishes, he cuts in with a smug little “One thousand dollars.”

     She snatches up the money in disbelief. “But sir,” she protests, “I didn’t ask for money. I just wanted help. I don’t want to take your-”

     He waves her off, and she can’t find it in herself to be annoyed. She needs the money desperately- and the protest was just for appearance’s sake. She had gotten good at appearances, she thought; one of those adaptations Peggy had praised her for. 

     “But the money will help, yes? So take it. You can pay it back when you’re rich one day.” He grins, and his voice is so confident Maria can almost believe him.  _ Almost.  _ She carefully tucks the money into her bag. For once, the ratty thing does her good- she slips it in between the plastic body and the cheap fake silk lining that had long ago separated from the bag itself. 

     “Thank you so much. You’re so kind. Can I do anything in return?”  
That line’s a courtesy, too, so she’s surprised when he answers: “Sure. Allow me to walk you home.”

     She hesitates; looks at the picture of Eliza on his desk. But no, he surely means nothing by it. Maybe he wants to see how bad her apartment really was or something. And besides, she can’t deny him that simple request: he just gave her a  _ thousand dollars.  _ She’ll be able to get Margarita some decent clothes, and, God, maybe even a toy or two. She’s eternally grateful for his help, so no, she can’t deny him this. 

     “Of course.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria has a tumultuous walk home.

     Maria wasn’t sure she had met anyone else like Alexander Hamilton. She couldn’t make up her mind about him- on one hand, he seemed to care enough about her (or, more likely, her situation) to show her incredible kindness, but on the other hand, he was almost disconcertingly talkative and blunt. He talked her ear off the entire way to her apartment, giving his opinion on everything from politics (he was staunchly, idealistically liberal) to the economy (the best phrase Maria could find here was ‘filthy capitalist’) to fashion (People should  _ always  _ present themselves as properly as possible. Maria glanced down at her faded red tee shirt and jeans which hadn’t been pre-ripped but ended up that way anyways.) to everything in between.

     She figured he was trying to seem impressive, but to her, he just seemed to be desperately trying to make up for something, to separate himself from her. She had seen some of his speeches on the TVs in the grocery stores, and he always spoke quickly, but clearly; long-winded, but with fiery purpose. Now, when he was more isolated, he seemed to be speaking faster than he could think, words tripping and spilling over each other; some almost yelled, some muttered under his breath. Maria certainly didn’t agree with everything that he said- it would be hard to, with the sheer  _ mass  _ of words he was spitting out, but she remained silent, nodding whenever it seemed appropriate to. Besides, he had loaned her a massive amount of money, so it would be pretty rude of her to argue with his opinions. 

     So, she spent a lot of time zoned out,  glancing into the windows of toy stores and wondering what she could surprise Margarita with. She hadn’t ever really had any toys before, save for those in Eliza’s orphanage, where she stayed all day while Maria worked. So, no, nothing of her own, so Maria didn't even know what she liked or what to get her. Did six-month olds even particularly  _ like  _ anything? Maria mostly just held her, fed her, changed her diaper, and watched her sleep. Maybe after she picked her up today, she would take her to one of the stores to pick something out. She imagined a little smile pinching her dark, chubby cheeks, and Maria herself couldn’t help but smile at the thought.

     She jolted back to the present as she noticed they were about to walk past her apartment complex. She turned on her heels, stopping in front of the dilapidated old building, with it’s whitewashed walls made more colorful with a mural of graffiti. People always turned up their noses at it, called it trashy, but Maria liked it. It brightened up the monotony of days lived just trying to survive. Hamilton looked it up and down, something she couldn’t place in his dark eyes. “Looks just like my old apartment,” he muttered, and Maria raised an eyebrow, looking at his shiny loafers and suit. But, she realized, it made sense. That’s what he was trying to make up for; this is why he was trying so hard to distance himself from her. She smiled wryly. 

     His feet shuffled around uncomfortably in his expensive shoes, and he looked away from the building and back at Maria. 

     “Well, I should head back to the office,” he said, voice slower and more deliberate than she had heard all day. Maria’s stomach, inexplicably, dropped. “I have work to do, you know.”  
A cold feeling clawed its way from the pit of Maria’s stomach up to her lungs, choking her. She tried to gather her wits, think of _why_ this was happening. It was hard to think, but she didn’t think it was because she particularly like him. No, she thought bitterly, it was just because she wanted his _kindness._ She knew that she was selfish, and just the little sliver of generosity made her want more. She had Peggy, yes, but she had always had Peggy- she wanted more people to care about her, to love her and take care of her when she couldn’t take care of herself. But how could she make him stay without letting him know what a disgusting person she was, using him like this? She thought carefully, the intensity dispelling the churning of her stomach. She would just have to give him something in something in return.

     Then it occurred to her that she had nothing. Her bank account was just barely floating above the negatives, and she had to pawn off most of the furniture in her apartment. All that was left was an admittedly rickety crib for Margarita, a worn loveseat she’d gotten for free off of the side of the road, an air mattress for herself, a few pots, pans, plates, and forks; and a few pieces of clothes she was very talented at mixing and matching to make it seem like she had more. She had nothing he would want, nothing that would make him want to stay, nothing to make him show her any more kindness. She would be alone again, pretending she was ok.

     She gulped, and an idea popped into her head. She had  _ herself.  _ She was by no means traditionally attractive- her skin too dark, nose too broad, hair too kinky to fit that mold, but she had always disregarded the mold (she would never be white and that’s all it was really using as a standard) and had dared to think that one of her assets was her looks. Why not use it? 

     She steeled herself, and stepped a little closer to him, running a hand through her hair and looking up at him through slightly lidded eyes. Her stomach turned a little, but she did her best to hide it and block out her mind screaming at her to say no to this stupid plan. She bit her lip, really out of nervousness, but his eyes flickered noticeably to her lips.  _ Nice,  _ she thought bitterly,  _ you have his attention.  _

     She stepped closer still, curling her thumbs into the belt loops of his slacks.  _ You’re doing this for you,  _ she reminded herself,  _ for you and for Margarita. Like Peggy said, you deserve kindness, but you’ve asked too much of her. If this is the only way you can be treated how you deserve, then you’ll have to suffer through this. _

     His face was close to hers, too close. There was no going back now.

    “Stay?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow this is hard to write maria deserve better  
> anyways sorry for the short ass chapter ive been out of town + finals week is comin up


End file.
